The Pervasive Weed of Fear

The definition of pervasive: "existing in or spreading through every part of something".

Sadly, this sums up the existence of FEAR in my life.  Its roots run deep down into my soul, attached to all of the things I hold so dear to my heart.  My children and all those I love, my future, my dogs, my health, my home, my life itself. This summer it has tried to choke out my joy and it has often succeeded in entangling me and blocking me from peace.

And I'm so angry about it today.  Angry that my head knows that fear is the opposite of faith.  Angry that I know in my head that worry stops with faith.  Angry that I know that I cannot control people, places, or things.  

My HEART....my bleeding heart. Why can't my heart absorb all of this head knowledge?  Why don't I TRUST that my heavenly Father will take care of ALL things, if I just let Him?

The fertilizer for my weeds of fear is my past.  And it's true...my past was loaded with fertile ground for worry, fear, and anxiety.  But the past is not today, nor need it be my future.

But God.  But God, who is mighty to save us all can reach down deep inside of me, put His hands around the scars on my heart and pull the weeds out by the roots.  He alone can do this thing.  The weeds prevail if the roots of my fears are not healed by Almighty God.

So I surrender to the master gardener who is well able to change me, one day at a time.  I'm willing Papa. Thank you for your patience with me on my journey to peace...no matter what the circumstances may be around me.  I love you.
Mary Beth

He's in the Waiting...

I'm far from a master gardener.  But my feeble attempts at growing edible foods gives me great joy, mostly due to the process, and the underlying truth that my Father God has enabled this little seed to grow into something that can sustain me once I eat it.  My cucumbers are flowering and I it just makes me smile to see the little blossoms and know that one day they will bear fruit.  Amazing. 

This little plant is waiting to do what it's meant to do.  And I'm doing the same.  I'm in the waiting...to do what my Father has planned for me to do next. The beauty of this time is the assurance that He's right here with me, by my side, reminding me that He has his best for me.  Always.  

God wants me to rest in Him.  To fully surrender my life to Him so He can reveal to me the beauty of himself.  How much He loves me, just as I am, with all my flaws.  So I can know Him in a deeper way, His tenderness, His patience, His mercy and grace.  This time in my life is a gift from Him, one that I'm so very grateful for. 

I am not one to rest.  I am one to be in charge, take the bull by it's horns, make things work out.  Plan.  Do.  Do. Do. So I have days that I struggle in the waiting, all due to my being me.  But on the days that I fully rest in Him, I am at peace.

I can't, He can, so I'll let Him.  Let go, Let God.

Thanks Papa. 

Love, MB

Inexcusably Me

Hello. This is me.  Just as I am.  I get to be me.  This is amazing.  I GET to be me.  Where have I gone to?  Why did I allow myself to be shut down and turned off? Why did I rob myself of being the outgoing, fun-loving, creative gal that God made me to be?  

For the past six years I've worked in a setting where my colleagues were introverts, and sadly, women without faith.  They were searching for peace in the latest practices of "mindfulness".  They had no room for my Jesus joy.  I was "too much" for them.  And I allowed them to steal my joy.  In their presence I became someone I am not. Compliant. Submissive. Quiet. Boring. Stagnant. 

No more.  I've left.  God has a new thing ready for me.

I know why I allowed this to happen.  Fear of man. 
 Proverbs 29:25 says:
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, 
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."

And Psalm 188:6 is another reminder:
"The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies."

No more fear.  Trusting in the Lord in a deeper way, for all things.  He is well able.  I am willing.  The future is bright with my Savior leading the way.  I'm going to be inexcusably me.

I'm ready.  This blog will be a place to house my thoughts and journey.  You're welcome to come along.  
Joyfully, Mary Beth